He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
