it wasn't lemon gatorade
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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