all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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