she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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