after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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