It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Don't tell me you're on acid again
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
