Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
