so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
