i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
