Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
