yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
