I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
