The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
