I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
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