We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
