i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
