And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
