Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
