Im at strip club and am horny
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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