thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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