is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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