This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
