I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
