can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
never play flip cup with pint glasses
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
