how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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