Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize