Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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