soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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