You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
