Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
