Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
