Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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