I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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