i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
