Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
