U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
