i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
