hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
