Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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