She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
