I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
