i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Congratulations! We have a period
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