Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
