I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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