I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
