Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
