We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
