I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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