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So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
