Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
