Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Sober January is a disaster.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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