i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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