Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
