I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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